Me: "Excuse me?"
The dad on vacation with preteens I can only describe as hooligans sitting next to me by the pool: "Your kids . . . they are like trained dolphins at Sea World. Your oldest looks at you regularly and you give hand signals he relays to your other kids in the pool and they all obey them. You are controlling them from way over here. How did you train them to do that?"
Me: "If I told you the secret, you wouldn't believe me."
Dad with crazy kids: "Try me."
Me: "No I'm serious. You don't want to go there."
Dad whose kids call him "idiot" to his face: "I'm serious. I want to know."
Me: "Ok, well there is this ancient Hebrew text called Deuteronomy that tells us how to parent....see I knew you would write me off."
Dad: "An ancient what?"
Me: "Hebrew text. It's called Deuteronomy. It's in the bible. God gives us child raising principles that if followed get past behavior modification and get to your child's heart. I mean, we don't want kids that don't steal and say "yes, sir" and yet are self centered brats, do we?"
Dad: "What?"
Me: "You want to know how to get your kids to obey you so you can get them to behave better. But that kind of parenting is only seeking behavior modification. It goes like this: teach your kids to behave and work hard so they can get into a good college so they can get a good job so they can earn a living. But, so what if they do all of that? That is meaningless if that's all they accomplish. Do you think Jesus Christ intentionally brought your kids into this world so you could raise them to earn a good living?"
Dad: "Ummmm...."
Me: "No, He didn't. He has an amazing plan for their lives. One He has for you also. He wants you to disover it and then lead your kids to discover it and live it out. That's what parenting is about: getting your kids to discover Jesus Christ and His plan for their lives and to live out that plan. You don't want to accomplish behavior modification in your kids, you want to shape and mold their hearts."
Dad: "Uhhhh...."
Me: "I thought you wanted to know why my kids are like trained dolphins. I'm trying to tell you."
Dad: "Ok."
Me: "For us, their behavior is secondary to what is going on in their hearts. As their heart changes, their behavior changes. You know, it's the same thing the Lord Jesus wants to do in our lives. We think He is just seeking behavior modification--don't get drunk, don't cuss--but seriously, do you think Jesus is pursuing someone for the end purpose of getting them to stop cussing? He isn't seeking behavior modification in you. He wants your heart. He wants to take your very broken relationship with God and restore you to God so He can have His way in you....and once we confess Jesus Christ as Lord the lights come on and we will follow His parenting principles which are...and if you want to talk about any of this more, I'm in unit #29 right over there. Just come knock on the door. Bring your wife. Maybe while your kids are watching tv in your unit and my kids are in bed me and my wife and you and your wife can chat about these things over coffee."
And that's how I got to share the gospel and some parenting tips with a man at the pool today.
I was grateful to God for the divine appointment. I was grateful to God for the reminder that He puts His glory on display when we simply do what His Word says to do...like parenting His way. And by the way this conversation happened faster than it looks in writing. And yes, to my wife, former apprentice-pastors, and close friends....I'm sure this was one of those awkward moments I create with people that I don't know are awkward. But, it couldn't have been that awkward--I ran into him on the beach later and he told me he wants to talk more. Sweet.
The dad on vacation with preteens I can only describe as hooligans sitting next to me by the pool: "Your kids . . . they are like trained dolphins at Sea World. Your oldest looks at you regularly and you give hand signals he relays to your other kids in the pool and they all obey them. You are controlling them from way over here. How did you train them to do that?"
Me: "If I told you the secret, you wouldn't believe me."
Dad with crazy kids: "Try me."
Me: "No I'm serious. You don't want to go there."
Dad whose kids call him "idiot" to his face: "I'm serious. I want to know."
Me: "Ok, well there is this ancient Hebrew text called Deuteronomy that tells us how to parent....see I knew you would write me off."
Dad: "An ancient what?"
Me: "Hebrew text. It's called Deuteronomy. It's in the bible. God gives us child raising principles that if followed get past behavior modification and get to your child's heart. I mean, we don't want kids that don't steal and say "yes, sir" and yet are self centered brats, do we?"
Dad: "What?"
Me: "You want to know how to get your kids to obey you so you can get them to behave better. But that kind of parenting is only seeking behavior modification. It goes like this: teach your kids to behave and work hard so they can get into a good college so they can get a good job so they can earn a living. But, so what if they do all of that? That is meaningless if that's all they accomplish. Do you think Jesus Christ intentionally brought your kids into this world so you could raise them to earn a good living?"
Dad: "Ummmm...."
Me: "No, He didn't. He has an amazing plan for their lives. One He has for you also. He wants you to disover it and then lead your kids to discover it and live it out. That's what parenting is about: getting your kids to discover Jesus Christ and His plan for their lives and to live out that plan. You don't want to accomplish behavior modification in your kids, you want to shape and mold their hearts."
Dad: "Uhhhh...."
Me: "I thought you wanted to know why my kids are like trained dolphins. I'm trying to tell you."
Dad: "Ok."
Me: "For us, their behavior is secondary to what is going on in their hearts. As their heart changes, their behavior changes. You know, it's the same thing the Lord Jesus wants to do in our lives. We think He is just seeking behavior modification--don't get drunk, don't cuss--but seriously, do you think Jesus is pursuing someone for the end purpose of getting them to stop cussing? He isn't seeking behavior modification in you. He wants your heart. He wants to take your very broken relationship with God and restore you to God so He can have His way in you....and once we confess Jesus Christ as Lord the lights come on and we will follow His parenting principles which are...and if you want to talk about any of this more, I'm in unit #29 right over there. Just come knock on the door. Bring your wife. Maybe while your kids are watching tv in your unit and my kids are in bed me and my wife and you and your wife can chat about these things over coffee."
And that's how I got to share the gospel and some parenting tips with a man at the pool today.
I was grateful to God for the divine appointment. I was grateful to God for the reminder that He puts His glory on display when we simply do what His Word says to do...like parenting His way. And by the way this conversation happened faster than it looks in writing. And yes, to my wife, former apprentice-pastors, and close friends....I'm sure this was one of those awkward moments I create with people that I don't know are awkward. But, it couldn't have been that awkward--I ran into him on the beach later and he told me he wants to talk more. Sweet.
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